Not all gay men are like you

Last night, my good friend Liz and I treated ourselves to facials, red wine and olives, whilst writing a yet-to-be-released paper.  As we were walking to my place from the store (where one tends to find red wine and olives) she said, “I keep forgetting not all gay men are you.”  She was talking about a coworker at the time–the kind of young gay man who doesn’t know about anything not sold in Aveda.

To be fair, I forget all gay men are not me.  I am continually taken aback when I meet vapid, superficial, misogynistic, blatantly racist and entirely vain gay men.  To be fair, I also forget that all people are not me, regardless of orientation, and taken aback by said qualities when I encounter them in anyone.  It is easy to lose sight of the fact that we are generally encouraged not consider anything beyond our hair and skin care products.  (I am, of course looking at the first sentence, and must add that you can be smart and thoughtful and treat yourself to facials!)

I think the point to be made is that it’s not easy to meet other gay men outside of the designated bars, clubs and cafes.  I’m sure that most of us have had the experience of meeting a guy who fits our physical taste, and then he opens his mouth and it’s all, “Britney!  Britney!  Britney!”  I think it’s also shocking for straight people when they meet stylish, attractive gay men who are not living up to their “they’re all so sweet” stereotype.

What is this “gay community” we are all always hearing about?  What is it that binds this community together?  Are we really just talking about the gay bar culture, and if so, where does that leave the rest of us?

Well, there is no answer to this riddle.  Not all people are nice.  Not all people are well read or concerned about climate change or the death of democracy.  Most Americans I know aren’t sweet or well informed, so why are we surprised when we meet gay men as shallow and uniformed as their straight counter parts?

2 thoughts on “Not all gay men are like you

  1. Unfortunately we are type-casted for the wiles and decisions the flamboyant generally make. I’ve always believed no matter what or whom I choose to bed or befriend I am a man. I enjoy my manhood, that is not to say that occasionally I don’t enjoy a musical or two or three well hell a lot, I do.. or maybe love Madonna, Cher and all the others that follow but I tend to keep those to myself and that’s not for everyone… When I go out in public my decisions and choices aren’t for public display and I only wish as a community we could endorse that privacy. Personally I’ve realized in being gay my entire life that maybe I was meant to have experienced what I have thus far and abstain for the rest of my life…(I’m A year into my decision and It’s been trying but i’m making it) I dont want to walk down the street and be embarrassed because my partner has the new “Born this way” track on his Ipod and is feeling himself…Capris and a Halter top… We still live in a traditional society and homosexuality is only tolerated because of the legal ramifications.

    • All very good points. I think there is much more diversity among queer folk, and society in general, and it would be nice to see more of it. For those who are genuinely flamboyant, have a great time. For those who are truly leather daddie, have fun. But your comment is true: we are typecast as being of one or two types.

      And maybe you’re not meant to be celibate for the rest of your life: maybe it’s just until you one day run slam into the love of your life. The universe is a mysterious place, and I like to believe that it rewards honest, genuine people with the happiness they have earned.

      And who doesn’t enjoy rocking out to Madonna or Cher? Life is short and there’s not time for rigidity!

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